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Joke of the Day

"Doctor said getting some natural light would help with my depression. Now I'm depressed *and* hung over."

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"I just ordered a pair of 24"" socks They're two feet. (this actually happened)"
"Pokemon? go fuck yourself"
"Marriage is an institution. So is the mental hospital."
"Last night me and and my girlfriend watched three movies back-to-back.. Luckily I was the one facing the TV!"
"POLICE: POLICE! OPEN UP! ME: My parents never loved me. POLICE: NOT EMOTIONALLY! OPEN THE DOOR! ME: That makes way more sense."
"Where will Donald Trump find the workers to build this Great Wall? Outside of Home Depot...... Maybe I should shoot myself in the foot. Not trying to be racists, but you get the point."
"Broken toilet = Bad shituation."
"It's Afro Carribean Hair Day at work tomorrow... ...I'm dreadin' it."
"Q: What kind of witch goes to the beach? A: Sandwitch"
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