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Joke of the Day

"Doctor said getting some natural light would help with my depression. Now I'm depressed *and* hung over."

"Skinny Girl... What do you call an anorexic girl with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese."

"My dad: See, when you said you'd met a ""special someone"" we thought... Me: Go on. My dad: Me: [taking hold of the penguin's flipper] GO ON."

"[Leaving ballgame] Officer: have you been drinking? Me: Yes, but I assure you officer I can't afford to get drunk there."

"Chicks with big tits always seem to say the right things."

"Why do Greeks like fried foods? Because they're greasy"

"The cats told me the reason we only have one life is because we're too stupid to handle nine lives. I believe this is true."

"When you say the word ""poop"" your mouth makes the same shape as your butthole when you poop The same can be said for ""explosive diarrhea"""

"My girlfriend asked if I could play wonderwall on the guitar. I said ""maybe""."

"What's the difference between a woman in a bathtub and a woman in a church? The woman in church has hope in her soul."