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Joke of the Day

"My dad: See, when you said you'd met a ""special someone"" we thought... Me: Go on. My dad: Me: [taking hold of the penguin's flipper] GO ON."

"If you love someone, let them know often. Because you might not be able to say it again. Also, same thing works for people you f*cking hate"

"Women are like rollercoasters... Fucking mental."

"ME What's a penguins favourite relative? Aunt Arctica! PENGUIN . . ME [makes flies over head motion] PENGUIN I don't know what that means"

"What does a taxidermist do for a living? Oh you know... stuff..."

"bought a box of 100 crickets from the pet store and released them back into the ocean were they belong"

"A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in."

"Watching movies with kids: If he/she hasn't seen it, eons and billions of questions. If he/she has seen it, eons and billions of spoilers."

"Did you hear about the 2 men who stole a calendar? They each got 6 months."

"Twitter Taking the everyday boring shit and putting a much better funny twist on it."