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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a sad coffee? A depresso"

"Make a sentence with the following words 'elephant' 'ant' 'ass' 'in' and 'bamboo' Ant in an elephant's ass"

"What do you call an elite team of crime solving tree surgeons? Special branch."

"Why did the customer slap the cashier? Because he was checking her out."

"Where do you take a sick wasp? To waspital."

"I have the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the Lincoln Park Zoo"

"I used to have a roommate who was always smoking in my apartment, but only with e-cigs. He died of e-cancer."

"Me: how old is your daughter? Person: she's 31 months Me: ok but like how old in minutes?"

"I hate those people who knock on your door and tell how you need to be ""saved"" or you'll ""burn"". hi Stupid fireman..."

"*sees girl at bar* Hey baby, wanna get outta here? ""Sure!"" Good, you're really killing the vibe."