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Joke of the Day

"My friends say I'm condescending... That means I talk down to people."

"My PhD candidate brother told me he is getting hooded in a few weeks. What a dumb ass- you can't undo a circumcision . . . . Woke up with this joke inside my head- original?"

"Why did the angry skeptic keep ignoring official reports about the eventual release of Half-Life 3? He was blowing off Steam"

"[First date] Me: ""So, what do you do?"" Date: ""I'm a librarian."" Me: ""Oh, my bad."" *Whispers for the entire rest of the date*"

"What did the Bra say to the Hat? You go on ahead and I'll give these two a lift."

"Antivirus pioneer John McAfee is wanted by the Police for murder charges. If they catch him, they estimate the trial could last 30 days."

"What's a orphans first words? I don't know. But it sure as hell isn't mommy or daddy."

"I bet college professors never get tired of watching freshmen get fat. I know I wouldn't."

"What did the body builder say when he saw he was out of protein powder? No whey!"

"Janet: What's the difference between a cake and a school bus ? Jill: I don't know. Janet: I'm glad I didn't send you to pick up my birthday cake !"