96582

Joke of the Day

"""I'm sorry, but are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"" -Fun way to confuse a waiter who just suggested a menu item"

"What do you call a lesbian toilet. Gai Waterhouse."

"These twins I knew in high school both got mono... They got stereo"

"Ordered ribs so I'd have to put my phone down. Discovered new talent. Pinky scroll"

"When/If Scotland becomes independent, what will the national currency be called? Doesn't matter, you won't be able to pry it out of the cheap bastards' hands anyway."

"My ""snooze"" button should just be called the ""nope, no yoga today"" button."

"Police are like a box of chocolates They'll kill your dog."

"I hold my iPhone up outside your window to play our song. A 90 second ad plays first."

"A boy talks to his mother about what he hopes to become. The boy said, ""Mom? I have something to tell you"" ""Go ahead"", the mother said. ""I promise not to laugh."" *The boy wanted to be a comedian.*"

"Why wasn't Jesus born in the USA? Because God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."