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Joke of the Day

"""WAIT!"" I screamed at my daughter as she typed Y-O-U on my computer but miraculously the autocomplete added ""TUBE"" so yeah, God exists."

"Q: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? A: It has great food, but no atmosphere."

"So my girlfriend caught me... My girlfriend caught me blow-drying my penis. She asked, ""what the hell are you doing?!"" Apparently ""heating up your dinner"" wasn't the right answer."

"I keep making jokes about SpaceX But none of them seem to land."

"""So what kind of work do you do?"" ""I move cows"" ""Oh , so you're a rancher?"" ""Not really , I'm a zumba instructor"""

"What is red and green, and goes over 3000 miles per hour? A frog in the blender"

"Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will track you down... You have my Word."

"The FAA has shut down airspace over Ferguson, which must be to stop the problem of people rioting and looting in the sky. #FergusonDecision"

"I thought VH1 was showing an episode of The Golden Girls, but turns out it was an interview with Steven Tyler, David Bowie & Keith Richards."

"The Seven Dwarfs of Facebook: Drunky, Stoney, Skanky, B!tchy, Lonely, Creepy, Stalky"