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Joke of the Day

"The FAA has shut down airspace over Ferguson, which must be to stop the problem of people rioting and looting in the sky. #FergusonDecision"

"I wrote a book on DIY. It comes with a free pen."

"Grandpa...why is there a suppository in your ear? Oh... THAT's where my hearing aid went!"

"Listen, you can keep retaking all the pictures you want but that's just what your face really looks like."

"Did you hear about the cheese that exploded? There was debrie everywhere."

"oneconfess At a job interview director told me that he cannot give me a job because I do not have enough points, but he can give me a son. #oneconfess"

"I don't come into YOUR bathroom and tell YOU how to tweet."

"I asked my German professor... ...""can you tell me how many credit hours of German this school offers?"" She replied, ""nine."" ""Well, thanks anyways,"" I said."

"TRUMP: She's too scripted HILLARY (reading from teleprompter): Mr. Trump, (voice steadily rising) Adobe Reader is ready to update"

"What do you call a female peacock? A peacunt."