167921

Joke of the Day

"So my girlfriend caught me... My girlfriend caught me blow-drying my penis. She asked, ""what the hell are you doing?!"" Apparently ""heating up your dinner"" wasn't the right answer."

"My car has a GPS, but when I get lost I still usually just end up busting out a globe"

"Why do female drivers sit higher up in their seats than male drivers? Because they're sitting on a box."

"Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away."

"The reality is that if you have a job that requires a name tag, I'll never give a fuck what your name is."

"My grandfather came back from the war... ...with a single arm. To this day, we still have no idea whose it is"

"Whenever I tinker with the idea of a having a relationship, I go spend a night with my married friends."

"""Let's eat, Pappy."" Not ""Let's eat Pappy."" Proof grammar saves lives."

"The problem with some people is that they're alive."

"Plot twist: dogs act scared of vacuums to avoid housework."