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Joke of the Day

"How to you know that cows will be in heaven? It's a place of udder delight."

"I will marry a woman if she knows homer is Not a Simpson and Plato is Not clay"

"My Dad got a new Lexus for my Mom this Mother's Day. He says it's the best trade he's ever made."

"Your mother is a head turner By that I mean that the gravitational field of her planetary body is trying to pull my head in orbit"

"Today is World Alzheimer's Day! Just in case you forgot."

"My girlfriend said she doesn't mind what car she gets, as long as it gets her from A to B. Which I fully support. Her boobs are far too small."

"""If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, If I act like I'm asleep he'll leave, if I act like I'm asleep he'll leave"" - Me getting pulled over"

"What do you call the underground slave trade? The black market."

"Why does a chicken coop have two doors? If it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan !"

"Wearing Crocs is like getting a blow job from a dude... It feels really good until you look down, and realize how gay you are. Edit: Adam Carolla apparently wrote this. Who knew?"