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Joke of the Day

"I will marry a woman if she knows homer is Not a Simpson and Plato is Not clay"

"What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day; anal sex makes your hole weak."

"""20 McNuggets for $5? That's like a quarter a nugget!"" I exclaimed, hoping that my dinner date would be impressed with my math skills."

"Got my ass fucking handed to me at Candyland again today by my 3 year-old. This decade is going to SUCK."

"When I have a daughter I'm naming her Leroy. No guy will ever say ""Yo bro I hooked up with Leroy last night"" how would that sound?"

"A black man walked into the bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bar man asks, ""Whoa, cool. Where did you get him?"" The parrot says, ""Africa! There are loads of them running around!"""

"I asked my friend who the antagonist of Borderlands is. Me: ""If you tell me, i'll give you some alcohol for free"" Friend: ""Alright then, hand some jack"""

"I used to have a great job as a lifeguard, until this blue kid got me fired."

"ME: fine, judge me. judge me for loving too much, for caring too much- JUDGE: you're on trial for murder ME: for murdering too much"

"Never knew why pajama tops had pockets on them, but I just filled mine up with cookies to bring back to bed and now it makes complete sense."