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Joke of the Day

"Your mother is a head turner By that I mean that the gravitational field of her planetary body is trying to pull my head in orbit"

"Is it I 'ran' through the campground? Or...I 'run' through the campground? Oh right, I ran, because its past tents."

"Why don't hipsters like fishing? It's too mainstream."

"It's like my golf instructor thinks I'm mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club."

"WHAT'S THE POINT OF A PSYCHIC HOTLINE IF THEY WON'T TELL ME WHERE MY OTHER SHOE IS?!"

"What do you call an orange thats been in the sun too long? tangerine"

"The Illuminati is the belief that the most powerful ppl on Earth are in a conspiracy to leave giant clues that they're part of a conspiracy."

"Guy at the gym tried selling me fake steroids... Bro, do you even grift?"

"[1st date] me: do you want kids? her: Yes me: GREAT [pulls 7 babies out from under table] HERE'S MINE HAVE FUN GOTTA GO"

"A mother walked in to find her son playing with his privates. ""Oh dear..."" ""...those toy soldiers were supposed to be a surprise!"""