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Joke of the Day

"My doctor diagnosed me with schizophrenia and ADHD. Which means I hear voices but not for long enough to drive me insane."

"What's the difference between up and down? It all depends on how you look at it"

"A great joke to play on people in their 20's would be to replace the computers in a library with a card catalog."

"What did the Ukrainian say to the whiny American? Crimea River."

"What came first, the chicken or the egg? The rooster"

"I don't trust umbrellas. They're shady."

"A dyslexic guy walks into a bra One of my favs"

"I'm not a liar. I have an English degree; I'm an unreliable narrator."

"Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust... Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust, exclaiming: ""I can't believe it's February and I'm still writing B.C. on all of my checks!"""

"I think Lady Gaga just puts glue on herself and rolls around on random things."