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Joke of the Day

"I think Lady Gaga just puts glue on herself and rolls around on random things."

"What did Shang Tsung say after conquering South Korea? ""Your Seoul is mine!"""

"Cat: Grrrrrplukk...Grrrrrplukk...Grrrrrplukk...Grrrrrplukk... **Coughs up hairball** Dog: You gonna eat that?"

"How are Bungee jumping and visiting a prostitute a like? If the rubber breaks, you're dead."

"I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says ""Text Me"""

"What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? 30 pounds. (and then the female come-back): What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes!"

"Wrapping gifts and one kid has more than the other so to even it up I hope she likes this bag of potatoes."

"[At Neiman Marcus] *looks at sales clerk* *holds up a Prada and a Burberry briefcase* I don't know...which one will hold more chicken nuggets?"

"Establish dominance by sitting close to the buffet and growling every time someone walks up to get food."

"Searching for porn gifs... Results be like, ""oh my go..."" ""oh my go..."" ""oh my go..."" ""oh my go..."""