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Joke of the Day

"With so many Americans upset with the candidates in the upcoming Presidential election, we should look on the bright side ... ... and please let me know what it is when you've found it."

"I just ate a silica salt packet and I've been using a plastic bag as a toy because I live life on the motherfucking edge."

"I have a particular set of skills, skills that allow me to open beer cans so no one in the house knows I'm drinking."

"Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up."

"What's the difference between a joke and hundred of penises Seriously I can't take this joke anymore"

"I think I want a job cleaning mirrors... ...it's just something I can see myself doing."

"A jewish kid asks his dad for $5.... The Dad says, ""$4!? I don't have $3! What do you need $2 for??"

"how are women like a quantum computer? they are both turned on and off by you at the same time."

"There are 1000 shopping carts inside this Walmart, yet I always pick the one with the wheel that makes everyone look like a meth addict."

"So, my girlfriend won't let me wear my mood ring anymore... ...I'm not really sure how I feel about it"