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Joke of the Day

"So, my girlfriend won't let me wear my mood ring anymore... ...I'm not really sure how I feel about it"

"[Ouija board] GRANDMA WHERE IS YOUR COOKIE RECIPE"

"An oldie for the road This randomly popped into my head at work and as I started saying it, my boss finished it. *Twats* that? I *cunt* hear you. *Tits* okay. I'll *finger* it out later."

"Sometimes when I'm feeling lonely, I write a letter to a prison inmate to tell them how much better my life is than theirs."

"Why isn't Hitler invited to the barbecue? Because he always burns the franks"

"Do you know why 6 is afraid of 7? Because 7 has friends in the politburo"

"If E.T. is making your bicycle fly through the sky, why do you still have to pedal?"

"[Scientific Conference] Scientist 1: So science? Scientist 2: *nodding* Science."

"I would have been grounded for saying 66% of Dick Van Dyke's name."

"Why did the scarecrow get the Nobel prize? He was out standing in his field."