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Joke of the Day

"Breastfeeding in public. This hating of people that breastfeed in public should really stop. I can raise my cat any way I want to."

"A father of four finds out hes months behind on child support... *[deleted] 1 hour ago (0 children)*"

"Why are there no pictures of Ted Cruz holding a baby? They always turn out blurry from him shaking them."

"My math professor had to go into rehab yesterday. He had sum problems."

"Sometimes I feel so alone, and then I remember I'm a part of the biggest, most reliable 4G network in the country."

"My wife passed away from an infected in-grown hair. I got a cyst and deceased letter."

"Life Goals Me at 14 - get a girl to like me, figure out how to have sex Me at 34 - get a girl to like me, figure out how to have sex"

"Comeback Joke * nerds phone rings in class * Cool Guy - awww, was that your mommy? * whole class laughs * Nerd Guy - nope, it was yours. * whole class is silent *"

"You always hear a stake through the heart is an effective way to kill a vampire, but actually, it's an effective way to kill lots of things"

"Surgeon: I need someone to unroll this bandage, stat! Cat nurse, excitedly: I've got this."