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Joke of the Day

"You always hear a stake through the heart is an effective way to kill a vampire, but actually, it's an effective way to kill lots of things"

"I texted my girlfriend Ruth last night to let her know she was dumped ... I wanted to be ruthless"

"What were the Virgin Islands called, after Chuck Norris visited them? The Islands"

"God and Lazarus God said to Lazarus, ""Come forth, and receive eternal life!"" However, Lazarus came fifth and received a toaster."

"""Ugh, you're so obsessed with me."" Boss: ""I just asked why you're twenty minutes late?"""

"What did the Mexican detective say in England? I'm like Sherlock, holmes."

"How do you make a starfish shine? Drop it in sparkling water."

"What do you call a vegan wizard? A soyceror."

"The only problem with shopping online is that you can't sit on a bench in the mall and judge everyone else who walks by."

"How do you know a guitarist is sad? They start to fret."