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Joke of the Day

"Finding a good date is like looking for a parking spot... all the good ones are taking and the rest are handicapped."

"""Man this milk is SO strong. It's got like, 30% lactose or some shit. Whatever that means."" -baby parties"

"What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little white crackers."

"*wakes up* nooooooo"

"A clock asked another clock out... He was timezoned"

"Magneto spent his high school years dating girls with braces."

"Change is hard So don't throw coins."

"What did the rabbit bride get on her wedding day? A forty-carrot wedding ring."

"If this paper cut is any indication of my pain threshold, then child birth would definitely kill me."

"What do you call a bunch of Christmas nuts bragging about their sex lives in a hotel lobby? Chestnuts boasting in an open foyer."