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Joke of the Day

"""Man this milk is SO strong. It's got like, 30% lactose or some shit. Whatever that means."" -baby parties"

"Score! I just landed my summer job for this year - working at the zoo, circumsizing elephants They said the hourly pay isn't great, but the tips are ENORMOUS!"

"Did you hear about the man who couldn't keep his herb garden under control? He had bad thyme management."

"Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!"

"A fun way to give your man a little scare is to ask him, ""Do you know what tomorrow is?"" and watch the panic set in."

"Why did the medium cross the road? To get to The Other Side! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha"

"I recently decided to sell my vacuum cleaner All it was doing was gathering dust."

"How do you drown a hipster? In the mainstream."

"What do you call a bus full of lawyers driving of a cliff? A shame. What do you call an empty seat? A damn shame."

"Dyslexic man walks into a bra Funny or nah?"