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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a bunch of Christmas nuts bragging about their sex lives in a hotel lobby? Chestnuts boasting in an open foyer."

"Why is the story of Jesus the longest porn in history? Because 2000 years after he rose again, everyone is still waiting for the second coming."

"Quentin Tarantino + Johnny Depp = Rango Django"

"Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are talking. Harry says, ""Ron, I'm gay."" ""Are you fucking serious?!"" asks Ron. ""Yeah...that too,"" says Harry."

"On your resume under skills it says pickpocket? Is that right? (interviewer looks up) (he is wearing only underwear and I'm gone)"

"Apparently, ""he's an army officer"" isn't the correct response to ""who's your daddy""."

"What do you call a gorilla that's a member of a terrorist organization? Boko Harambe"

"Baller is short for ballerina"

"Me: Who ate all the cookies? 5-year-old: Ninjas. Me: I didn't see them. 5-year-old: No one ever does. Checkmate."

"Now working on my 2nd million. I gave up on the first."