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Joke of the Day

"I'm sexually attracted to metal boxes with locking systems. But don't worry. It's safe sex."

"Why did Helen Keller only masturbate with one hand? So she could moan with the other."

"Did you hear about the guy who used the door knocker? He won a no bell prize. I'm sorry if this is a repost. I searched but couldn't find anything close."

"What's the best way to dispose of bodies? Put the ashes in the donuts."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? The prostitute stops screwing the client when they die. Source: eavesdropping on the legal counsel at work."

"Can't believe Nintendo didn't make a commercial for the Wii where a guy breaks up with a girl by saying ""It's not you, It's Wii""."

"Why did the sperm cross the road..? I accidentally put on the wrong sock today...."

"I've decided to be outraged about straws too flimsy to punch through their own wrappers. Time to blog."

"She told me she ""literally died laughing,"" and that's when I realized she had to be a zombie and shot her in the face."

"What was Hitler's least favorite pokemon? Pikajew"