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Joke of the Day
"What's the worst animal to play cards with? A cheetah. Because it'll rip your fucking face off."
Next Joke
"*stands over dads casket* ""Mom isn't doing well, dad."" *puts hand on dad's shoulder* ""You need to stop building caskets. It's creepy."""
"In the case of emergencies, why are women and children evacuated first? So that men can think for a solution in silence."
"How long is one minute? It depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on."
"If I were a piano... ...I'd make sure my life ends on a high note."
"I want a ""refrigerataur."" Half horse, half refrigerator. I could ride it AND eat from it which is just plain sensible we are in a recession."
"I just bought some land with a stranger and now we have a lot in common."
"How does one enter a brothel in Westeros? Through the Hodor"
"A man walks into a bar and orders a Manhattan. The drink comes and he sees a piece of parsley floating in the glass. ""What in the world is this?"" The bartender says, ""Central Park."""
"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I'm not so sure what I did, but he sent me a text that only said, ""K"" so it must be pretty bad."