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Joke of the Day

"If you ever feel like your job is meaningless, remember there is someone who is currently installing the turn signal at BMW."

"Traveling with a four year old boy is like transferring a serial killer between prisons."

"Have you tried locking him in your trunk?"

"They say I have a drinking problem. All I have been trying to do is drain the liquor down the toilet. Through my body."

"I Like Long Walks on the Beach until the LSD wears off and it turns out I'm dragging a mannequin around a Wendy's parking lot"

"Twitter: where 20-year standup comedy vets get out-funnyed by accountants, college kids, junkies, & unemployed single moms on a daily basis."

"As a kid playing parent, I never accounted for the 8 hours a week I'd lose taking underwear out of inside out pants while doing laundry."

"why do you always have nicer earrings than me mexican babies"

"Kids, rap music has been around since 1979, we've all heard it. You aren't being edgy by playing it loudly at an intersection."

"Why does Hillary Clinton secretly want to lose the election? Because if she wins, she'll have to move into a smaller house in a black neighborhood."