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Joke of the Day

"Twitter: where 20-year standup comedy vets get out-funnyed by accountants, college kids, junkies, & unemployed single moms on a daily basis."

"What part of a hospital does an abortion patient avoid? The right wing"

"whenevre macklemore says ""im gonna pop some tags"" i jus pictur him sittimg in his basement, silently taggimg himself in photos on facebook"

"Just now, from my dad: Have you heard the new Christmas carol from India? We Vishnu a Merry Krishnas."

"What did the farming professor say to his new students? ""Welcome to my field."""

"They say honesty is the best policy, but quite frankly, I think a million-dollar life insurance policy on a super old dude sounds better."

"I only drink out of jugs labelled XXX and I carry my money in a big sack with a dollar sign on the side. Everyone thinks I'm cool as hell."

"A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife."

"My Thai girlfriend says small penis is not a problem... ..but I still think she should not have it."

"You know you are getting old when you have to scroll down, scroll down, and scroll down some more, to select the year you were born."