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Joke of the Day

"""How about if the villain is a psychopath out to make a skin suit?"" - Not in a kids movie, dude. ""Ok, but it's puppy skin?"" - Oh, then YES!"

"Why is there only one Monopolies Commission?"

"Did you hear about the dancing girl? She danced on one leg and then the other, but she made her living between the two of them."

"me: I know it's over, but can I have one last hug? Please? Him: *moves closer. stops & sniffs* omg are you covered in superglue?"

"What do you call an alien that's also a pedophile? An Extramolestrial"

"When I was younger my fairy godmother asked me if I'd like a long penis or a long memory I forget my response."

"1) Pull black socks to knees 2) Wear sandals 3) Wear Magnum PI shorts 4) Make ball sack slightly visible -Grandpa's guide to lawn mowing"

"Why wasn't Michael Jackson allowed to perform at the children's hospital? Because he is dead. ^((I came up with this joke when I was very tired.))"

"What do you do when your suicidal friend asks for a hi-five? You leave him hanging...."

"[doctor's] INVISIBLE MAN: Am I cured doc? DR: Your tests are all clear IM: Is that good? DR: [talking to wrong empty chair] I'm not sure"