197544

Joke of the Day

"me: I know it's over, but can I have one last hug? Please? Him: *moves closer. stops & sniffs* omg are you covered in superglue?"

"The five stages of Sunday: depression, anger, bargaining, acceptance, HBO"

"Why do white people not like playing uno with mexicans? They take all the green cards"

"Heard today that most feminists are lesbians that's why they can't think straight."

"Why are gays never late for hotel check out? Because they get their shit packed the night before"

"What did the water say to the boat? Nothing. It just waved."

"No YOU sober up, lamp."

"at my high school reunion everyone kept asking where my date was so I finally told them my dog ate him. no one laughed"

"A lady said I was catching up to... her in terms of age. I said she must be moving too fast."

"There are 70,000 Jehovah's Witnesses in Melbourne for a conference. So I'll be answering the door naked this weekend."