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Joke of the Day

"gonna give my zombie friend several different brains for his deathday. Took a while to get the shopping done. Finally got some presents of mind."

"There's nothing like shaving off your beard to remind everybody why your face needed a beard."

"How to Keep an Idiot in Suspense - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ... I'll tell you later."

"The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Chuck Norris."

"I popped into Tesco last night to get some oxo cubes but couldn't see any on the shelf, they must be out of stock!"

"Working in an Action Man factory pays very well indeed... You can make six figures in an hour."

"What happens when women have their period? They get easily irritated and they ovary act"

"My humour is so black... ... it started picking cotton."

"Hitler is walking in an extermination camp with the camp manager.. ""Why is there such a sweet smell in the air?"" Hitler asked. ""Today we're burning the diabetic"" answered the manager. Edit: Spelling."

"What did the band Weezer say about the nudist beach? All the mammaries made me want to go back there!"