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Joke of the Day

"What did the band Weezer say about the nudist beach? All the mammaries made me want to go back there!"

"Like Rachel Dolezal, I too have been pretending to be something I'm not. For years, I've pretended to be white, when I'm actually a ladder."

"What do American beer and sex on a boat have in common? Both are fucking close to water."

"Q. What do you call a cow with no legs? A. Ground beef."

"""You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they don't need."""

"Magician to a hot chick: I will do a magic trick on you. I will fuk you and then I will disappear."

"I've never been booed off stage. I've never been booed off stage! Sure, I've been booed on stage plenty of times... but never off stage. In honor of Mitch Hedberg. RIP."

"Why is the ocean salty? Because the land doesn't wave back."

"Everyone's switching from the iPhone 5 to the iPhone 6 for an extra inch ...I sure hope my girlfriend doesn't do the same."

"Sometimes I wish I were an octopus... so that I could slap 8 people at once."