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Joke of the Day

"There's nothing like shaving off your beard to remind everybody why your face needed a beard."

"Twilight werewolf Taylor Lautner turns 18 today. That makes him 126 in dog years so, unfortunately, we're going to have to put him to sleep."

"What did one unemployed cancer cell say to the other? Let's go get Jobs!"

"What is the best part about having sex with 23 year olds? There's 20 of them. (Works better in person)"

"Only 3 more weeks until my Christmas lights change from ""still being up"" to ""being up early""."

"Sherlock Holmes walks into his house with a basket full of lemons. Watson asks, ""Where did you get so many lemons?"" Holmes replies, ""A lemon tree, Watson.."""

"What did people say after two satellite dishes got married? The wedding was dull, but the reception was great."

"What do you call a search for small guitars? Uke hunt!"

"I ate two pieces of string and they came out tyed together. I shit you knot."

"Don't step outside tonight at 11:59pm You might not make it back till next year"