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Joke of the Day

"What did Achilles say when he got hit by an arrow? Aww heel no! Kill me right now."

"What do you call a fear of big boobs... HerRackNaphobia"

"In the news today What do Aaron Hernandez and Edward Snowden have in common? They're both expatriots (expatriates)."

"Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs."

"She promised to teach me wax on, wax off. Only now my chest is bare, I'm frightened of candles, and pretty sure I still don't know karate."

"Waiter, ""Welcome to red lobster, I'm your seafood expert."" me- ""did you know octopuses have a beak?"" W-""no"" Me- ""who's the expert now?"""

"Log Entry 21: it's been 3 weeks & we're still lost in this Macy's. We were forced to eat Amy. Polo ties are now 40% off."

"How soft is Bill Gate's pillow? Microsoft."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You should take your workboots off before you jump on a trampoline."

"Time to diet. Went to the neighborhood pool today and all the women dressed me with their eyes..."