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Joke of the Day

"Separation anxiety is common among toddlers, dogs, and would-be divorcees finding out how much divorcing costs."

"WIFE: Did you buy eggs? ME: Even better. I bought a goat. W: How is that better? M: *stares confusedly for a full minute* How is it not?"

"*wears shoulder pads for the angel and devil on my shoulders *pimps their ride"

"I'm trying to write a joke about unemployed people... But it needs more work"

"Whats the difference between a cow and 9/11? Americans cant milk a cow for 16 years."

"I wish there was an observation deck at WalMart."

"I don't just talk to myself. I talk to myself, get in a debate, lose, and then refuse to speak to myself for the rest of the day."

"No my carpet doesn't match my drapes cause I don't have carpet , Duh...."

"What do you call a camel with three humps? Pregnant"

"If I could make puppies and kittens magically appear, people would call me ""The Wizard of Awwws""."