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Joke of the Day
"If someone finds a corpse, in the river off 4th St., in a blue suitcase, it wasn't me."
Next Joke
"[Interview room] Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present Cop: You ARE the lawyer Me: So where's my present?!"
"'If u insinuate that I'm fat again, I'm leaving you!' 'Don't be selfish, think about the baby.' 'What baby?' 'Oh, so you're not pregnant?'"
"What was Arnold Schwarzenegger's answer when asked which historical person he would like to play in a movie? I'll be Bach."
"Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, ""You're next."" They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."
"Why did the pedophile masturbate to Kim Kardashian? because he was blind."
"I'll lean at a 45 degree angle if I'm so inclined."
"Has anyone ever told you what it's like to be royally screwed? Let me fill you in."
"How are women and tornadoes alike? They are both loud as fuck when they come, they take the house when they leave."
"fun prank: text a girl ""we need to talk right now"" and then throw your phone into a river"