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Joke of the Day

"[Interview room] Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present Cop: You ARE the lawyer Me: So where's my present?!"

"If they grew up in the same house and shared a pet, siblings have the same porn name and I think that's just SICK."

"Look, all I'm saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time."

"What did Moses say when he wanted to see through his door? Let my peephole grow!"

"Someone just asked me if I liked Eminem... I told them that I did, but that I prefer Skittles."

"It still amazes me that you need a license to catch a fish but any asshole can be a parent."

"What's worse than a pile of dead babies? A live one that you have to care for and nurture for 18 years."

"Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, ""Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"""

"My Christmas tree is on a timer It lights up everyday at 4:20"

"If Donald Trump becomes President... then that would server a perfect example of my belief that USA = P2W"