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Joke of the Day

"BAGPIPE VS. ONION Q: What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion? A: No one cries when you cut up a bagpipe."

"On your first day at the beach, go up to the toughest-looking guy there, and let the air out of his water-wings."

"God making man in his image was the original selfie"

"An eagle gets sick and is arrested ... because, he is ill-eagle"

"Why were piggy banks made? To keep the Jews away from the money"

"What do you call a fanny on a fanny on a fanny? A block of flaps"

"What would a porno be like? Lots of clicking and snapping?"

"How do you tell when it's Halloween at Lana Del Ray's house? Her pussy tastes like candy corn."

"Here's my gym schedule. Monday, cardio. Tuesday, weights. Wednesday, 7 mile bike ride. Thursday, 15 year break. Repeat."

"My family has a genetic predisposition for diarrhea. Runs in our jeans"