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Joke of the Day

"Here's my gym schedule. Monday, cardio. Tuesday, weights. Wednesday, 7 mile bike ride. Thursday, 15 year break. Repeat."

"George Clooney goes through life knowing no one has ever hit 'Ignore' in the history of 'George Clooney' appearing on Caller IDs"

"oh so you rich guys throw the water out after you boil hotdogs. too good for hotdog soup. too good to dab the soup on your wrists like colog"

"I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if architects in those days had just made their towns big enough for everyone."

"Having sex is like poker if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand."

"Some women wear larger shirts to make their bodies feel smaller... I wear smaller condoms to make my penis feel larger"

"I like my coffee like I like my ships. Full of semen."

"My lesbian friends just got me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood me when I told them ""I wanna watch."""

"Wife: I can't find my phone Me: Want me to call it? Wife: Sure, I - Me: PHONE, HERE BOY"

"I've only seen ""Babe"" once, but I've said ""That'll do, pig"" 1000 times. My wife hates me."