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Joke of the Day

"I caught up with my old English teacher. ""What's new?"" he asked. I said, ""An adjective."""

"I think Yahoo! news is written by someone who's had significant head trauma."

"So a guy walks into a bar... And yells, ""I HAVE EBOLA!"""

"Son: ""I got expelled"" Dad: ""How?"" Son: ""I wrote 2 + 2 = 41 on the whiteboard."" Dad: ""That's pretty dumb but-"" Son: ""Then my teacher told me to go up to the board..."" Dad: ""Ok?"" Son: ""And rub 1 out."""

"""haha one time we turned a cpr training dummy into a bong"" yes doctor but how is our son *leans in close* ""you had to light its weiner"""

"I'm cooking some SpaghettiOs in nothing but my underwear. All of a sudden, Chef Ramsay bursts into my kitchen and beats the shit out of me."

"In 5 yrs I will be drinking from a crystal decanter discussing affairs & murders in my upper middle class community. Also, I will have a hat"

"Why does Heisenberg hate driving? He gets lost every time he checks the speedometer."

"Q: Where do cows go on Friday nights? A: To the moovies."

"What does the letter K have in common with my cousins They are ok by themselves, but they get pretty racist when there are three of them together"