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Joke of the Day

"I'm cooking some SpaghettiOs in nothing but my underwear. All of a sudden, Chef Ramsay bursts into my kitchen and beats the shit out of me."

"I was asked how I view lesbian relationships Apparently 'in HD' isn't the correct answer."

"The How I Met Your Mother series will end tonight & everyone is thinking the same thing...if only it were The Big Bang Theory instead."

"knock knock ...... come in..."

"My daughter is at that age where she has started asking awkward questions about sex... Like, ""Is that all you fucking got?"""

"How to catch a Polar Bear Cut a hole in the ice, fill it with dead fish, then hide. When the polar bear shows up, kick him in the ice hole."

"Just been chatting to my neighbor's teenage daughter It turns out she's really into aliens and UFOs Which is cool because tommorow she's getting abducted"

"Very tired of the NSA reading my tweets and not retweeting them."

"What is good on pizza, but not good on pussy? The cheese and crust."

"What's made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones? Trombones."