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Joke of the Day

"Why does Heisenberg hate driving? He gets lost every time he checks the speedometer."

"How did the girlfriend satisfy her secretly gay boyfriend? I don't know, I guess she really had him pegged."

"I told you to act natural while I paint. Why are you guys all sitting on the same side of the table? - DaVinci"

"Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay. You have my Word."

"[NSFW] I met a girl called Michelle at a bar... Her: Hi, I am Michelle Me: I am Donaldson, but people sometimes call me Dick. Her: How do you get Dick from Donaldson? Me: You ask nicely."

"Why do pirates like TIG welding so much? Because they have a good supply of ARRgon."

"An evangelical dairy farmer stopped by my house on Sunday He wanted to talk about Cheeses."

"Rick Astley: Do you have any Pixar movies I can borrow? Me: You can have Cars, Toy Story & Ratatouille, but I'm never gonna give you UP."

"Advice needed, please, on cooking roadkill What do you do with the bike?"

"I bet some of you would absolutely kill it in a race where you had to jump over obstacles while looking at your phone."