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Joke of the Day

"Due to a mix up my cat ended up in a beauty contest and not at the vet. To my surprise she apparently won some gimmick trophy for fluffiest butt. It was a real *catastrophe.*"

"Men who talk about how big their dick is actually have a tiny dick. Related: I'm hung like an Asian field mouse."

"Where did bob go during the explosion? ...everywhere......."

"What do you...... What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator."

"First time I had sex I was so scared.... I was all alone."

"GOOD COP: He won't talk except in sign language BAD COP: I just cut off his left hand BAD PUN COP: He still has the right to remain silent"

"Chinese married a Chinese woman born baby blue eyes and blond hair, he called some thing wrong HAHAHAHA"

"No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves."

"What's the difference between Justin Bieber and a birth certificate? A birth certificate states the sex."

"Why are pedophiles terrible Blackjack players? They don't hit on anything over 14."