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Joke of the Day

"I think my boss from flint is trying to poison me... Handing out all these Pb and jelly sandwiches."

"Man: Lima is a capital city in South America. Woman: Peru-ve it!"

"Please don't tell my three year old his oversized black calculator isn't really an iPad. He'd be crushed to learn his dad lied to him."

"Keep clam. I'm dyslexic."

"I'm almost positive that angrily staring at the pile of dirty laundry won't fix things, but it's worth a shot."

"Did you hear about the psychic midget who escaped from prison? The Headlines in the paper read ""Small medium at large"""

"You're a busy woman. Let the smoke alarm tell you when the chicken's done."

"What's the difference between a physicist and an engineer A physicist says ""E = mc^2"", an engineer asks ""How much mass we talkin?"""

"What's the difference between bruce banner and bruce jenner? One turned into a terrifying monster, the other is an avenger."

"What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros? Hell-if-I-know"