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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a physicist and an engineer A physicist says ""E = mc^2"", an engineer asks ""How much mass we talkin?"""

"Some people dream of success, others are awake & work hard at it."

"Possible Fact: If you suffer with freezing cold hands, you are contractually obliged to test their temperature by putting them on people."

"Wife: ""You talk like some poorly written science fiction novel. I'm leaving you."" Me: ""I swear by the 12 moons of Bumtar I can change!"""

"Me: Most of all, remember to be kind to yourself. You deserve it. Neighbor: If you don't stay out of my heating duct I'm calling the cops."

"can you guys help me find an AC/DC song? it has 3 power chords and the lyrics are about being a badass, Thanks! *stolen from RYM*"

"Two gay men go into a bar. One says to the other, ""Can I push in your stool?"" Not sure if its a repost. My coworker just told me this."

"""We don't have iced coffee"" Me: ""You have coffee?"" ""Yes"" Me: ""You have ice?"" ""Yes"" Me: ""Were you raised in a barn?"""

"What do all battered women have in common? They don't listen."

"Him: You're not the sharpest tool in the shed, are you darlin? Me: HOW DARE Y... Wait, did you just call me darlin"