90130

Joke of the Day

"Dr: If you want to lose weight, you need to do things that'll make you sweat. Me: *applies for a loan*"

"Ten words, two commas, a punctuation mark and a full stop all appeared in court yesterday. They're due to be sentenced next week."

"Why did the burglar take a shower? He wanted to make a clean getaway"

"What do you call a shoe with no grip? A slipper. (Made this up today, but almost definitely will have been made up before by someone else)"

"Arguing on the internet is like running in the special olympics Even if you win, you're still retarded."

"What do you call... What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs? A small arms dealer."

"Have you seen my LSD? No but have you seen the Dragon in the kitchen?"

"I hate to call it ""one night stands."" I prefer ""auditions."""

"In the book I'm currently reading, there's a section that talks about the vagina. It's my favourite passage."

"What do you call an Italian with no hands? Mute"