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Joke of the Day

"""Your mom is over capacity."" - me under my breath to twitter a second ago"

"Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because their boobs are too big for b-shells."

"I just don't get bukkake It goes straight over my head."

"Dad shouts: ""Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!"" Son: ""Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"""

"[3rd grade] bae: come over me: no bae: my parents aren't home. me: but we're only 7, that's awful parenting. bae: but- me: AWFUL. PARENTING."

"Why are there no black people at the North Pole? Because there is nothing to steal there"

"What is Alqueida's favorite football team? The New York Jets."

"I'm pretty sure that while girls are under anesthesia getting breast implants the doctors secretly do brain explants."

"""Pay attention to me, but not too much. Ignore me, but make me feel wanted. Let me know you want me, but don't be clingy.""-women"

"Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don't have one, it's probably you."