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Joke of the Day

"""ALL I WANNA DO IS HAVE SEX WITH MINERS!"" is the exact wrong way to proclaim your sexual proclivity toward those who excavate coal."

"Can I have a broken drum for Christmas? The best thing you could have asked for. You can't beat it!"

"Why is a wizard so good in bed? Because he is never late, nor is he early. He reaches orgasm precisely when he means to."

"BREAKING - The Russian Navy has released a statement after accidentally sinking one of it's own submarines Oops, wrong sub."

"How do you know if someone is a vegan? Because everyone around them will be giving them shit for it."

"What rhymes with Snoop? Dr Dre"

"The people at U.P.S are assholes. They sent me a message telling me I have a small Package... I mean, what are they doing opening my mail and looking at my pictures anyway?"

"If they could bottle how good it feels to take off your bra, that would sell for more than any expensive wine."

"Why were Star Wars Episodes 4, 5, and 6 released before 1, 2, and 3? Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was."

"Ikea meatballs pulled from shelves because they contain horse meat. Man, that's the last time I buy meatballs at a furniture store."