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Joke of the Day

"Easter Weekend Wife: Honey, what's for Easter? Hubby: Same plan as Jesus. Disappear on Friday and reappear on Monday."

"Bruce Willis recently passed away while having sex He Died Hard"

"Saved my gall bladder in a jar so when they ask me at the DMV if I want to be an organ donor, I can put it on the counter and say, ""YES!"""

"Why don't kleptomaniacs understand metaphors? Because they take everything, literally."

"Whenever I'm sad I remember that Ryan Seacrest tried to high-five a blind guy. Then I feel better about myself."

"You ever notice how an electric pencil sharpener and a cat's butt look the same? They even make the same noise when you stick a pencil in it: Rar, Rar, Rar, Rar...."

"I met this amazing girl last night but got off on the wrong foot. She wanted it on her left foot. I can't help that I have horrible aim."

"Rules for meeting a puppy: 1 be cool 2 pet it 3 do not steal it 4 stop running from the owner 5 put it down 6 this isn't worth jail time"

"Great idea Journalist: What do you think of western civilization? Gandhi: I think it would be a great idea!"

"How do you make someone stare at a screen for 30 seconds? Please wait..."