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Joke of the Day

"Good call inventor of glass tables. There's nothing more appetizing than realizing Aunt Mildred doesn't wear panties while I'm trying to eat"

"Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable? The Wheelchair (Dont hate me)"

"My son got me some very expensive cologne for Father's Day. I know it was very expensive because he used my credit card."

"I couldn't get tickets for the Plan B concert. So I had to go with my first choice instead."

"What is white and square? A ping pong block."

"What Do You Call A Rainy Spelling Bee? Alphabet Soup."

"What are the cops gonna do? Unrape you?"

"I want to cover you in expensive things like gasoline."

"My friend's parents recently got a dog called ""Bradford"" Because he's mostly brown and black, with a little patch of white."

"""Ooh fun, I have an email!"" - me, forgetting about the email I sent myself NOT ONE SECOND AGO"