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Joke of the Day

"One day you're going to meet the girl of your dreams And she won't want your money She won't want your house, or your car She won't want you either ;)"

"When abroad, James Bond is known as +44 07"

"How does a girl vampire flirt? She bats her eyes."

"Did you know that your local graveyard doesn't allow anyone who lives where you are to be buried there.... ....As they need to be dead first"

"Throwing acid is wrong... in some people's eyes."

"Why do squirrels have bushy tails? To keep their nuts warm."

"[NSFW] Why is Popeye's penis soft and smooth? He puts it in Olive Oyl. Edit: I don't know why this is tagged under religion. \_()_/ "

"My wife wants the living room walls to be something neutral. I'm painting Switzerland."

"What the difference between a calender and you.... a calendar has dates."

"Abortions are like stains in my carpet. You don't want them to be seen, and you pay somebody to vacuum them out."