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Joke of the Day

"Throwing acid is wrong... in some people's eyes."

"Flight Attendant: Would you like some headphones? Man: Yes, and how did you know my name was Phones?"

"Did you hear about the mechanic who was addicted to brake fluid? He said he could stop at anytime."

"Why did the condom cross the road? It was pissed off. :3"

"Things to get done: Make coffee, Drive a train high on cocaine, Rent a lion to eat my neighbor's dog, clean up mess from that lion thing."

"Why didn't the guitarist get laid? Because he had bad pickups"

"Did you hear about the guy that threw away a duck? He got down in the dumps."

"What do you get when you cross a judge and a potato? A Dicktater."

"If the dove is the bird of peace, what's the bird of true love? The swallow."

"Here's the thing about women: it's really hard to write a good joke about them."