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Joke of the Day

"Humans are so stupid! This is why aliens probe us. They think our brains are up our butts."

"I wrote in my diary and went through it with a bright yellow marker. It was the hi lite of my day."

"The Pope is hardly the first person to lose interest in their real job so soon after joining Twitter."

"What's the difference between an ass kisser and a brown noser? Depth perception."

"*coroner takes picture of my body after I'm brutally murdered* Me: delete it"

"I'm not staying up all night to get lucky. If it doesn't happen by midnight, I'm going to bed."

"How does an Argentinean commit suicide? He climbs up on his ego and then jumps off."

"Abortion sure brings out the kid in you."

"Which pizza shop's business is like it's name? Dominoes. Falling one at a time."

"Ambulances are the original Transformers because sometimes they transform mid-ride into hearses"