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Joke of the Day

"[interview with girl at dating agency] i get shy around pretty girls [girl smiles brushing hair from her face] ""are you shy now"" not really"

"My sister told me to ""take the spider out"" instead of ""kill"" it. So we went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer."

"Jimmy Kimmel should have Floyd Mayweather read mean tweets after the fight Oh wait"

"Two condoms are walking down the street... ... and they pass a gay bar. The one condom turns to the other and says ""hey, wanna get shitfaced?"""

"If you #Calexit-ers think you hate Trump NOW... Just wait until you have to foot the bill for the Californian extension of The Wall."

"Terrorist Pick-Up Line ""Hey girl, is your ass America? Because I want to destroy it."""

"Prince: the artist formerly known as. . . . alive."

"Where do you see yourself in five years? I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision."

"Note to self: Do NOT try shopping for a pearl necklace online. Ever. Again."

"Ever wondered why starwars episode 4,5 and 6 came before episode 1,2 and 3. Because, incharge of scheduling Yoda was"